7 Signs of an incompatible relationship

Wouldn’t life have been infinitely better if you just had a crystal ball that could tell you whether a prospective love interest will be one to last? We tirelessly work towards romantic relationships based on a loose thread of hope.

If only we can learn to pick up certain signs that point towards the health of a relationship and evaluate them objectively, the world would have a lot less heart-breaks and Taylor Swift songs would be much less relatable. But because practicality is a tough choice to make when the heart is involved, it helps to have a checklist. And so, we have a look at seven different instances that may tell you that your current relationship might not really stand the test of time.

Here are seven signs of an incompatible relationship.

1. Your differences are not compatible.

It is hardly true that couples that have different personalities will not last. Conversely, it is also not necessarily true that similar people will have harmonious relationships. It takes two people to determine couple compatibility levels. Differences can be compatible where there is a will. However, if they are a matter of concern for either party, things will start to go south. Differences in opinions, ambitions and needs should be met with complete acceptance or an agreement to compromise. If they can’t be, the bond will start to go sour.

2. The Compromise is lopsided.

That brings us to our second point: Compromise. Compromise is a  two-way street. It only means that a couple, in order to maintain peace, must arrive at a conclusion that is not inacceptable to both. However, if only one party tends to make compromises for the convenience of another, the power dynamic changes. This may lead to eventual feelings of resentment: not something we need.

3. You communicate differently.

In a relationship, each party brings in their own set of experiences and conditioning. This means that effective communication to different people means different things. For some people, talking through things whenever they are bothered helps untangle messy feelings. While for others, taking some time to blow off steam before tackling difficult emotions works better. If you have different means of communication and if you expect the same from your partner, things might go for a toss.

4. Your attachment styles are different.

Now, from the baggage you bring to your relationship sprout the scary heads of attachment styles. There are four different types of attachment styles and either party can be any of those. How do you determine which one you are?

  • Anxious Attachment: People with anxious attachment styles have a deep fear of abandonment. It shows in relationships as neediness, clingy behaviour and a constant need for validation. 
  • Avoidant Attachment: People with an avoidant attachment style tend to have a fear of intimacy. They have trouble establishing trust in a relationship as a result of constantly trying to save themselves from pain.
  • Anxious-Avoidant Attachment: This is an attachment style plagues with the combination of the first two styles where there is a constant need for validation but a maintenance of distance. 
  • Secure Attachment: It is as it sounds. In a secure attachment, people are capable of forming healthy relationships, giving and gaining trust and love without conflicts. No points for guessing which the healthiest attachment style is.
5. Your will to work on the relationship varies.

Despite differences in opinions, ambitions, attachment styles and needs, what affects the balance of a relationship most is the will to work on it. Your best shot is to establish boundaries, determine what is inacceptable and then choose to work on building a healthy relationship. However, it will result in fatigue if one of you is not doing enough to maintain the harmony.

6. You have different ideologies.

The strength of your beliefs and your values will have an impact on the compatibility of your relationship. It is important to understand each other’s ideologies and where they are coming from. This must be followed by a peaceful acceptance of the same because if there is a clash, the relationship will not survive in the post infatuation phase.

7. Your plans for the future contrast.

Things might be looking up in the present, but if your future plans do not align, there is room for conflict. Are you prepared for possible changes in your lifestyle, together or distant? If there is no agreement in that arena, it might result in unpleasant disagreement.

Couple compatibility is a very important aspect to determine when you are emotionally and physically preparing to invest in a romantic relationship. Are you and your partner compatible?

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